Horrible Histories proudly presents its wicked river tour of the Terrible Thames!
After three terrific years, we’re back and sailing again in 2024! So climb aboard and prepare to hear the horrible history of the most famous river in the world!
Tremble in terror at the Tower! Sizzle at the Savoy! Give Cleopatra the needle! Be washed away at Westminster! Lose yourself in Lambeth! Get gobsmacked by the Globe! Hold onto your head at London Bridge and escape from Execution Dock!
Take a dive with Horrible Histories into the stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper and Captain Kidd, in this history of the Thames with the nasty bits left in!
STANDARD TICKETS
Adult – £25.00
Child (Ages 3 – 15)* – £15.00
Senior (65+) – £20.00
FAMILY TICKETS
2 adults, 2 children – £70.00
1 adult, 3 children – £60.00
To book family tickets, please enter the desired amount of tickets on our ticketing page and the discount will be applied at checkout.
*Under 3’s do not need a ticket but will need to be sat on the lap of a parent / guardian.
SCHOOL GROUPS 10+
Tickets – £12.50 per child and 1 teacher goes free for every 10 children.
We are running tours on selected weekdays this year specifically for school groups, please see the calendar for more information. If you are looking to bring a large group it may be possible to add in extra tour time / day , please email customerservices@terriblethames.com to enquire.
To book a school group please email Groups@kxtickets.com
GROUPS 10+
Adult – £23.00 | Child – £13.00
Groups sized 10 – 30 can book online and the groups discount will automatically be applied to your tickets when you purchase them.
You can also book directly with the team at Groups@kxtickets.com
ACCESS
Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet are dedicated to improving the accessibility for all visitors to this new experience and ask that any assisted wheelchair access that is required is booked in advance.
Customers with Access requirements will be able to purchase a full price ticket for any cruise, subject to availability. One additional carer/companion ticket will be made available free of charge for those who are members of the KX Tickets Access Scheme or hold an Access Card, please visit https://www.kxtickets.com/access for more information
Please visit our FAQs where we have more information and for all access bookings please email access@kxtickets.com
For our full and detailed information document on accessibility for our tour please CLICK HERE
PRIVATE HIRES
For Private Hires, please email Tommy@tommyluck.co.uk
Terrible Thames will run during the school holidays and on selected weekdays for school groups. The tours run between 9.45 and 15.45 but vary on different days, so please see our ticketing page for the full schedule.
Tower Bridge Quay is situated on the north bank of the Thames, on the east side of Tower Bridge, and immediately in front of the Tower Hotel. The pier is approx. 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground station. Our postcode is E1W 1LD.
DO NOT GO TO TOWER BRIDGE PIER!
what3words is an easy way to find and share exact locations, every 3 metre square has their own unique 3 word identifier. curiosity.pirate.rides is the unique 3 words for our location at Tower Bridge Quay.
All comments taken from the Terrible Thames Facebook page or customer emails
The BEST THING we did on our recent trip to London. Can't recommend HIGHLY enough!
No better way to see and hear about London. EXTREMELY entertaining. Highly recommend.
A BRILLIANT ride along the Thames. One for the MUST DO list for London.
10/10, SUPERB, ENTERTAINING, FUNNY, GRUESOME and had some of the best facts of the river entwined in the story. The parents were as enthralled as the kids.
Absolutely BRILLIANT! The highlight of my children's trip to London.
Terrible Thames has to be one of the greatest things we’ve done in #TeamHarris. What an AWESOME adventure!
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. As soon as we had finished my kids wanted to do it AGAIN!
I can honestly say I have never been so impressed with any other family experience - it was perfect!
Our FAVOURITE day trip of the year!
This was BRILLIANT. Ages 5 – 75 in our group and everyone LOVED it! We haven’t stopped talking about it.
The best Thames trip we have done – FANTASTIC for adults and kids!
Magnificent to see just how thrillingly history can be brought alive! 10 out of 10!
‘A rip-roaring, riotous sightseeing tour kids and adults will never forget!’
‘A fun, enjoyable, spirited alternative to more po-faced London tourism – may it sail on and on!’
'Smart, witty and enthralling, Terrible Thames is totally terrific family entertainment!'
'It creates a joyous ride that has everybody floating with happiness!'
‘A wonderful and entertaining trip - immersive theatre at its best. It cannot fail to surprise and delight!’
‘It was clear that as everyone disembarked, they were exhilarated!’
‘A terribly good London adventure for families – it appeals to the kiddos on every level’
'It’s fantastic - a unique take on the standard sightseeing tour and a great way for the whole family to explore London together. I’d definitely say it’s one of the best things to do in London with kids.'
‘We disembarked from the boat on a real high, going over everything we’d learnt’
‘My kids were thoroughly entertained and begged to go on the tour again!’
‘A unique take on London to thrill both children and adults alike!’
'This is nothing like your usual boat tour - a great whistlestop tour filled with unusual facts and stories you won’t get anywhere else! We loved it!'
Horrible Histories – Terrible Thames Tour is a new venture from award-winning theatre producers Birmingham Stage Company and Woods’ Silver Fleet, a family-run company of Thames Watermen since 1866.
Together they are bringing together their extensive experience of performance and river sightseeing tours to create an experience like no other.
teamProducers – Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet
Writers – Terry Deary and Neal Foster
Director – Neal Foster
Design – Jackie Trousdale
Music – Matthew Scott
Sound – Nick Sagar
Choreography – Kenn Oldfield
Boat design, management and crewing – Woods’ Silver Fleet
Production Manager – Adrian Littlejohns
Marketing, Advertising and Social Media – Natalie Yalden and Rona Kelly for Tandem Marketing Worldwide
Press Relations – Chuff Media
Sales and Ticketing Director – Tommy Luck Consulting
Concept Design – Feast Creative
Horrible Histories books are published by Scholastic Ltd. Horrible Histories is a trademark of Scholastic Inc. and is used under authorisation. All rights reserved. Illustration © Martin Brown.
Please email our customer service team on Customers@kxtickets.com or you can visit https://www.kxtickets.com/contact for more information.
If you purchased with another ticket provider please contact their customer service team to assist you.
The tour is a round-trip and you will disembark at Tower Bridge Quay where you joined the trip.
The boat trip will last 45 minutes.
Our boat has heating within the interior lower deck. It does not have air conditioning as the vessel is not a new build but we have plenty of windows for fresh air.
Our top deck will always be open to customers to enjoy the amazing sights of London. However in the event of rain the performers will carry out the performance on the lower interior deck, which is fully enclosed with windows so you can also enjoy the sights of London on the Terrible Thames Tour.
Our boat has two decks. The upper deck is fully open-air with wonderful views. The lower interior deck is fully enclosed with windows to enjoy the sights on the Terrible Thames Tour.
Travelling in London can often be impacted by engineering works, strikes and other incidents on public transport that are out of our control.
Please allow as much time as possible to get to your booked tour time so you are not disappointed.
Gender neutral toilet facilities are available on the lower deck of the vessel.
We do not have cloakroom facilities for the Terrible Thames cruise.
There is an allocated space to store items such as prams/pushchairs and scooters on the lower deck only. These items are not permitted on the upper deck.
Our scheduled Terrible Thames cruise operates from Tower Bridge Quay (formerly St Katharine Pier) on the north bank of the Thames, east of Tower Bridge (in front of the Tower Hotel. Postcode – E1W 1LD. The pier is approximately 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground Station.
There is no covered shelter on Tower Bridge Quay so please ensure you have appropriate attire to deal with the sometimes unpredictable English weather!
The tour is conducted by two actors, but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, they do not change into historical characters when telling the stories.
You will be meeting two characters on board the boat but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, the fast speed of the journey through constantly changing historical periods means the characters do not change into historical costumes
We have a limited embark and disembark period for each Terrible Thames cruise. You should arrive in good time in order to board the vessel promptly at the time on your ticket. If you are buying tickets on the day, please allow some extra time to purchase.
We are working on exciting plans to introduce food and drink, so watch this space, but until then you are able to bring your own snacks and drinks onboard.
The closest car parks near Tower Bridge Quay are City Quay Car Park, E1W 1AE or London Thomas More Square, E1W 1YU. Online booking in advance is recommended. Just Park also has available spaces online in the immediate area of the pier which can be pre-booked online for your desired date.
All ages are welcome, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult on board. Children aged 0-3 go free, if seated on the lap of a parent or guardian. However, please note the tour is best suited for children aged 5 and above.
We cannot predict passenger numbers for each cruise and length of queues will vary according to how busy each cruise is. However, boarding is swift and our host will be on site to assist whilst you are waiting to board the boat.
For security purposes we may from time to time undertake random bag searches or checks. This is done for the security of our passengers, crew and performers.
We don’t allow bikes on board, although kids’ scooters are permitted and can be stored on the lower deck.
45 enthralling minutes!
Assistance Dogs are allowed on all Terrible Thames cruises at the Captain’s discretion. We ask you to contact the reservations team to book your ticket in advance. Please see our accessibility statement for more information and inform access@kxtickets.com
If you think you have lost an item of property aboard the vessel, you should notify us via our social media channels. Please provide full descriptive details of your item, details of when and where it was lost, and full contact information so that we can get back in touch. Terrible Thames cannot accept responsibility for any items that may have been lost on board.
Terms and conditions are subject to the provider you have booked your ticket with. If your ticket was purchased via our official website, terms and conditions can be found at https://www.kxtickets.com/terms-conditions
Yes, you can purchase all our ticket types on the Terrible Thames Website www.terriblethames.com
You can pay online using VISA, MASTERCARD or AMERICAN EXPRESS.
When booking please select 2 adults and 2 children or 1 adult and 1 child and the family discount will be applied automatically at checkout.
A child ticket is for those aged 3 – 15 years of age.
A senior ticket is for those aged 65 and over.
Please note under 3’s can travel free but must be seated on a parent or guardian’s lap.
Refund protection can be offered, details of which are here https://www.kxtickets.com/ticket-refund-protection
We recommend tickets are bought in advance as ticket availability on the day is not guaranteed. However, it is not compulsory to book Terrible Thames Tour in advance. These can be purchased at our dedicated pier Tower Bridge Quay (Next to Tower Bridge) on the day of travel. We request all groups 10+ are booked in advance with the reservations department prior to travel.
We do not charge booking fees but there is a £1.50 transaction fee
We are currently not accepting cash bookings on the day, but you can purchase tickets at Tower Bridge Quay on the day using a debit/credit card.
We are able to accommodate public groups up to 120 on our boat.
Groups sized 10 – 30 can book online and the groups discount will automatically be applied to your tickets when you purchase them.
You can also book directly with the team at Groups@kxtickets.com
Please ensure that all information is correct at the point of purchase as tickets may not always be able to be changed. For assistance, please email customers@kxtickets.com
Passengers have to bring their printed ticket to board the cruise or show their ticket on a mobile device.
You will receive a confirmation email with a printable e-ticket attached as a PDF. Additionally, please write down your booking reference number. If you don’t receive the email or have a query about your booking, please contact your point of purchase.
Tickets are non-refundable after purchase. If you have an extreme circumstance beyond your control, please email our customer service team at customers@kxtickets.com
Please check your refund policy of the company you purchased from.
As the Terrible Thames boat is not a new build we cannot offer step free access at present. A wheelchair lift and accessible bathroom facilities are in discussion to be installed. Please view our detailed accessibility information document HERE
Assistance Dogs are allowed on all Terrible Thames cruises at the Captain’s discretion. We ask you to contact the reservations team to book your ticket in advance. Please see our accessibility statement for more information and inform access@kxtickets.com
